• Cynthia Dagnal-Myron

Black Women: Only the Dems want to date us?

Updated: Nov 24, 2019

I'm old as hell, but that's the demographic, right? The faithful legions of middle-aged Black women who always show up at the polls when the time comes.

Yeah. That's me and my peeps.

We got the nod again the other night on the debates. We're "the real working folks." We're the saviors of the Party that Buttigieg had better get on board with.

I'm down with that.

And we apparently need the attention.

Or that's what I keep reading. That Black women aren't getting much love from anyone aside from the Dems. That we're snubbed on the online dating sites and such. I don't know why.

Used to be they thought we were too angry. Something like that--I haven't been keeping up with the trends all that much. No time.

Cause I've actually been dating. Not a lot, but enough for someone my age. Apparently a lot for a Black woman of any age.

Wonder how that happened?

Hasn't been all that hard, really.

I'll get a hankering to dip a toe in the dating scene and put up a profile for a while. It's always an adventure. I take a few self-conscious looking selfies. At this age, the guys aren't being too picky.

A few are still looking for someone half their age. Or...ten years younger. Talking about how they look and feel a lot younger than they are.

I'm not trying to hear that. I like the age I are. I like men who feel the same way and don't have any qualms about sittin' around talkin' about all the ages we've experienced. Enjoyed. Suffered through--the real talk. Not trying to hide anything. Celebrating everything.

That's one of the perks when you get here. You've seen and done some things and it's evening out. You're realizing each step was necessary. Painful as some may have seemed along the way...you are the sum of some remarkable escapes. Escapades.

And it was all good.

So my profile says stuff like that. And the responses start to trickle in pretty quick.

Half-hearted love taps. And real nibbles and big bites. All colors. Cultures.

Some come on 'way too strong too soon. Write these long ass letters with The History of My Entire World Parts I to Infinity in them.

Others are sweet old men who just really, really need to get laid. Yes, old men are just as randy as younger ones. Maybe more so, because it's tougher to find someone to sleep with, I guess, if you're a nice old codger out there trying to do the right thing in a world that doesn't do these things quite the way it used to...

We have coffee--that's a nice "all ages" thing, right? We all kinda like that. Noncommittal.

If my mind doesn't wander while I'm listening to whatever we talk about and I feel as if I'd like to talk again...cool. If not, also cool.

They're mostly nice. Boring, but nice. Would be content with coffee, most of them. If that was really all I wanted to offer.

But...I don't think that's fair. And I say so, if I know I'm never going to want anything more "hands on." Some are kind of stunned. Not as insulted as a younger man might be to hear they didn't get to you "that way." Just a bit bewildered by it.

But the little time I have left is precious. I do nothing that doesn't delight me. If I can help it. So I'm quick to put the kibosh.

And after a few little flings, when the love taps slow to a trickle, I close up shop. Go back to being seriously single.

And maybe seeing the one or two that are willing to take it slower. Getting to know me. See where it goes.

There's one I enjoy more than the others. White guy. Drifts in and out. Fine with me. We share some common experiences that were fun to revisit with such gusto.

Like finding an new "old" friend who speaks the same lingo fluently. First coffee lasted for hours. When we're ready one of us will text. Sometimes just to text, sometimes to set something up.

I don't know when I became so laissez faire about these things. No longer needing to ask how many days before I can do this or that. I just toss a text out there...see what happens. He does the same.

Life's too short, like I said. Grab the gusto. And know when to say "No." Without making a huge drama out of it.

Point is...I've been married. Divorced. Have a first grandchild on the way--that's the big thing right now. Getting ready to be "Granny," finally.

The rest is gravy.

Empty calories.

But...if you're having issues out there, sista girl--young or old--I'd like to strike up a conversation with you about it. Because there is clearly something happening. Or not happening.

I am not sure it's about being a Black woman so much as being a human being at a time when it is very, very difficult for all of us human beings to connect on a meaningful level.

We just always seem to be the canaries in the coal mine. The ones to watch. Who know there's trouble or a trend before everybody else catches on.

I saw a hilarious video today of a Black British woman lamenting the fact that white people seemed more interested in avocados than Black people. She was livid about the overabundance of articles on so many aspects of the avocado, written as if our lives depended upon them.

I don't think she thought it was funny and on many levels it wasn't. She was right to be so indignant, of course.

Maybe at my age, I'm just used to it. I've been down this street before. Up and down it, countless times, at 60-something.

And all the women in the fam, all the beautiful Black women who raised me and countless other generations...they traveled those paths, too.

Going in and out of style. Like...avocado toast.

What are you doing with your life while they're telling us who we are this time? Post a comment.

Tell us a story. Ask a question. Leave a link to something that you think we need to know...whatever's clever.

My own advice?

Do you. Loud and proud and powerful. Don't worry about savin' nobody else or anybody else savin' you. Datin' you.

You ready.

And somebody's lookin' for the special kinda somethin' only you have.

I'm not just talkin' about a partner, I'm talkin' about the world in general. Which we apparently know how to save parts of, from time to time.

Rock that while you're waiting.

And keep checking that Cosmic Inbox where the real treasures get dropped off.

Now drop us some knowledge below.


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#onlinedating #dating #relationships #blackwomen #women

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